Let's spare a thought for the Madoffs.

Facing the prospect of a lengthy spell in the slammer, Bernard Madoff's niece has just a hired a consultant to teach her how to survive in jail and, if possible, get an early release. As the New York Post reports, Shana Madoff has hired the services of Larry Levine, a former federal prisoner and founder of Wall Street Prison Consultants.

And exactly what do you learn? Well, Larry can provide Shana with some handy information, reports New York magazine. Like, for example, learning how to make pizza from crushed-Saltine-cracker crust.

But probably the most important lesson is not to let on that your name is Madoff. When the economy is tanking, and everyone is doing it hard, anyone with the name Madoff is likely to take on the same status as a child molester or kiddie porn peddler.

Still, with bankruptcy proceedings against Madoff now underway, you do wonder how the family still has the money to hire a consultant.